2009-33027, Class of 2015

When people would ask me if there was anything they could help me with during my sp days, I would say that all I needed was their prayers. 

I needed a miracle to get to the finish line. Most of the time I felt helpless and also on the verge of breaking down. 

Good thing I had Psalm 46:1 as my armour: "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." First thing every morning, I would whisper a short prayer, "Lord, please guide me through the impossible." 

I will never forget the (so far) craziest three weeks of my life. Those sleepless nights led me one step closer to the fulfillment of my dreams. 

And now, less than a week before the miracle I've worked hard for happens, I would like to express my gratitude to everyone. Everyone who was there for me when I felt like giving up. Everyone who prayed for me. Everyone who told me, "I know you can do it."

You know who you are and I can never thank you enough for pushing me to keep on keeping on. 

Most of all I would like to give a huge shoutout to my ever loving, ever supportive parents. Thank you Ma, Dad, for teaching me that strength is something you choose. Thank you for showing me how to smile through the tears, how to laugh even when in pain. If not for the strength and wisdom you guys possess, I would not have had the motivation to become strong as well. Thank you also for always reminding me to tell the Heavenly Father everything. 

I raise this eventful moment to You, Lord. This is all by Your grace. Thank You so much for another wonder. I will always keep in mind that nothing is impossible with You. 

I'm Too Hard on Myself

Look at you. Look how deep you've fallen. Look at the bruises that will never fully heal. Look how big you've become. You tell yourself that you have dreams. You tell yourself that your life has purpose. But the truth is, all this time you've just been trying to hang in there. You've been trying so hard that you actually think you're okay. Far deep inside, you're not sure about anything, not even yourself. You don't know where you want to go so you can't determine whether you're on the right track or not. They say that if you keep all the uncertainties and doubts bottled up for long, these things will blow you up eventually. Today you're going to start believing that for now, your purpose is to work on these. Or not. Maybe you just really wanna blow yourself up. 

Chapter Three: 1:30 AM

This is an entry from my journal. I did not try to polish this whatsoever so please excuse the form. 😆

Hi. So, I went out of bed on this untimely hour just to say these things so may

haps they actually matter a lot to me. I have just resumed reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye and one of the lessons from there that instilled in me is that one should not let dating consume them such that they shut off other relationships. When you are in a romantic relationship and suddenly, a friend needs you, perhaps they only need someone to listen, someone who will tell them everything will be okay. Well, would you still wait for a kind of emergency to be there for them? I have experienced actually asking for someone to be there for me - someone who used to be there for me always. Instead of finding comfort, they would even make things worse by getting angry with me. Then, I realized that if that person truly cared about me, I would not at all need to ask them to be there for me. 

Even if you are dating someone, keep your friendships, especially the best ones, very close. You see, unlike a lover who might breakup with you when they are tired of fighting for the relationship, a genuine friend will be there for you through the worst. I know because this is exactly why I am still here, in spite of having to put aside all pride just to have someone to listen to… and be rejected over and over.

Chapter Two: Almost There

It's that time of the year again. People here and there are posting graduation pictures. I was supposed to finish my degree this semester too, but, due to unfortunate events regarding my thesis, I was not able to. Last Friday, my two little brothers graduated, Jed from kinder and Jemuel from high school. It would have been great if I did too.

Just like a normal person with feelings and concerns for the future, I felt down and it was like my entire universe had turned bleak and meaningless. I started this semester with all my hopes up that when it is done, I will be able to get myself a job and earn my own money and actually help my parents out. My brother’s going to college come the start of the next school year so I really aimed to graduate this semester - except I couldn’t make it. I don’t want to blame anybody, but I keep asking God what He is trying to tell me through all this delay and these disappointments. I even got to a state where I was so stressed and depressed that I felt like I could weep for an entire week and that day I did not work on my thesis but went home instead. I feel like that place was the lowest I have ever been in. I mean, I had experienced outbursts of pain that at some meals and some walks I would just start crying. There was even this one time when I just could not help it I sat on a park bench and just cried my entire heart out.  I have been crying for minutes when the lady sitting on the next bench who I noticed was reading her Bible, came up to me. We introduced ourselves and she prayed for me. I am forever grateful for her, for giving me her time when she was already late for the bus. I am not sure if she did catch the bus but I pray so. That wonderful experience did not cease the hurting, though.

            It was not until a few days later that all the bad feelings calmed. I was prepared to stand up and put my armor on again. This was also when I learned that I was not alone. My friends who were able to make it and are going to march this coming ceremony proved to be very supportive, thoughtful, and caring, as I have always known they were. Due to my recently failed friendship with my ex-bestfriend (we will get into that soon), I thought people did not really care about other people’s feelings and situations. But these friends of mine, they were there to listen and cheer me up with the silliest things. I just do not want to get into detail because I do not want to give hints on who I am disappointed at. They are great friends and I owe them a lot. Without them, I would not have made it up to here, because now, all I need is to finish my thesis and I am off to New York City. Kidding, but this level up and some more will get me there.

            With everything the University of the Philippines Los Baños BS Statistics graduate class of 2014 did for me, I was able to fully get over the pain and the bitterness of not being a part of them. I am proud to say that I do not feel even a tinge of regret or whatsoever when I see their graduation pictures. All I can think about is that these people are awesome, and I am grateful to have them as my friends. I am not even jealous that they have finished before me, and such. I am genuinely happy for them. I praise God for the wonderful way He has led me out of this mess. And for reminding me of the song I have been singing to Him since childhood:

Chapter One: Cyber Bullied Part II

On the midnight of Christmas, I was checking my accounts on every possible site I have registered to. I happened to drop by my ask.fm account. An anonymous cyber bully asked, "Bakit ang yabang mo? Napaka needy mo at demanding." Only one person went to my head. He-who-must-not-be-named was the only person this bully must have been talking about. The question was posted four months ago, so the alibi that I have rarely seen him this term would not count. I did not want to judge anybody so I did not make conclusions as to who might have been the unknown inquisitor. I admit I have been clingy to he-who-must-not-be-named mostly because I was used to having all his attention on me. 
Now, I am nothing to him. I honestly cannot imagine how he can still call me his best friend, when I do not feel close enough for him to be called mine. Surely he used to be there for me always, as one would expect of a "best friend," but since she happened, he has always never been there for me. I do not care if they spend their lives messing up each other's bed (believe me, I know a lot about what he does to her more than she will ever know). All I want is peace on my own, which is why I have stopped asking him when we could meet. We used to have fixed meeting times and days during a week. But all that is gone now, I do not even recall the last time I have had a meal with him. It has probably been months. I really do not care anymore. I stopped caring a long time ago. If he is not there for me and is not an actual best friend to me, let him be. Sure, I will be there for him, like a genuine friend would be. I will give him holiday gifts and try to laugh with him (though honestly I have been having a hard time doing this). I will be his friend because I have learned that in this life, helping should be done without expectations of being returned the favour.
Okay. I am reacting badly to this ask.fm question. It just really gets into me when somebody hates me, you know? I know I cannot please everybody, but for somebody to loathe me like this unknown being does, my system just cannot accept it. Whomever you may be, Anonymous, whatever it must have been that I did to make you dislike or perchance even loathe me, I am truly sorry. I am pretty sure that with whatsoever I did, I did not mean for it to cause you pain or whatnot. I would also like to tell you that I have been doing my best to keep far from he-who-must-not-be-named because he told me she did not like him seeing me. Please do not hate on me for missing the good friendship he and I used to have. He was my best friend, after all. And after she came, I lost a good friend. Mayhaps you have experienced losing a friend too, so you might understand how I feel right now. Mayhaps you do not, but believe me it has not been easy for me this past year. I am not sure if he is still my best friend because he likes to say so, because in deeper context we are no longer passable best friends to each other.
By now you must have already realized how you got into me. I just cannot live with anybody hating this much on me. If you knew the story of Cyber Bully Part I, you would understand. However, I must warn you not to worry about it because it is not very much likely for you to be learning about it any time soon, because I am long over Cyber Bully number one (and she does not deserve this title any longer), and we are now friends (and it took me quite an effort for this to happen). P.S. I answered your question with, "You're funny! :>" But I reevaluated the situation and ended up deleting your question instead. Happy holidays, Unknown!

Prologue: November 14, 2013

     Has anybody ever liked goodbyes? And by goodbyes I do not necessarily mean separation from a loved one. I mean it generally. Like when a play reaches its end, a movie comes to its credits, a student enjoys a semestral break. I personally don't like such things. For some reason, they always leave me hanging. It's like floating on nothing, and on unidentified territory. You have no idea what's happening, and you feel like things are happening too fast. 
     To be honest, the goodbyes that took place in my life were sudden and informal. At least they feel that way. Without warning, the characters from the play I've instantly attached myself to are forming a line on the stage, holding each other's raised hands and then all together bowing to the audience. In the glimpse of an eye, the screen blacks out, and then words move down up of it in a movie. And, without me realizing, a whole five months have already passed and it's already time for those cover-to-cover exams.
     It's one of those times again. I'm hanging on empty space, having no idea where to start, my worries slowly eating up whatever hope's left in me. It's time I put my battle armour on, because I

Introduction

No one will probably read this blog but I want to put this up again so I could put my silly works into permanent existence. 

But oh, where are my manners? Hello, whoever you may be. Thank you for visiting. I read my one post here before writing this and realized if I was the reader I would be greatly confused as to what kind of person the blogger could be. 

So to formally introduce myself to you all (yes, I did not want to put my name on my bio),  I am Jeriely Ortega Quinita, eighteen and a drama queen. 

Sa aming tahanan~

I live in Cavite, Philippines, and I feel like I live in the most peaceful street in the entire world. I have a twin brother but my mom lost him in the womb. Instead, I grew up with only two brothers. But don't get me wrong, their awesomeness is more than enough. Like most siblings, each of our names start with the same letter -- J. My parents came from different towns and I still have no idea how they met. But this one thing I know about their love story: my late grandfather, my dad's dad, used to dream at night about a girl -- and when my grandpa saw my mom for the first time, he told my dad that she was the girl he was dreaming about. 

Now, about me. I wish I lived a hundred years ago. I'm both childlike and childish. I like to play The Sims. I'm a frustrated and hopeful guitarist. My BMI is 28. That's equivalent to overweight. I have twisted perceptions about romantic love. And, last thing about me that I will share in this post is, I'm in a long-term relationship with Taylor Swift. Check out @andialmostdo13 on Twitter if you want to know more about my fangirl life. Haha.

"I slept in castles and fell in love because I was taught to dream." -Taylor Alison Swift