Last night, I woke up breathing heavily again. I looked around me. It was dark and silent, yet the world seemed to stare at me. I tried to make my breathing even, but couldn’t. And then I fell asleep again.
When I woke up in the morning, I found myself staring-staring at the ceiling, on which cute glow-in-the-dark sheep were stuck. Yes, in spite of all the pain filling me up to my belly, I thought they were cute. I was thinking they might really like it up there, where they can see everything. Just like Julie Baker from Flipped. I stopped my dreaming, and started walking away from my bed. I sure hoped I could just walk away from my swelling heart just the same.
I walked and walked until I reached the bathroom. I opened the faucet and stared at the water excitedly flowing out of it until the pail got full. I sat on the toilet bowl, thinking of you. Thinking of how you could make me feel like this, of how you brought me here. I stood up and bathed, still thinking that.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, I tried to open my being to the beauty I saw. Sunlight was peeking through the red and white curtains concealing the windows, dry leaves were gently falling from trees. I felt familiar warmth. It reached my heart and pushed me to my bed. I sat there, curled up and partly unconscious.
The next time I opened my eyes, I was lying on the bed already. I must have fallen asleep. I checked the time. It was ten in the morning, and my blood still wasn’t moving. Neither was my brain doing its thing. I sat up on my bed again, and stared at the world with one hand holding my head. I thought I’d cry at the sight that surprised me, the instant I caught a glimpse of your smiling face peeking at my door. I almost jumped in mad excitement, and you reached out to hold me in your arms. Another familiar warmth. I tried to feel you with my hands. Suddenly, you leaned over to my ear and swiftly whispered sweet words that seeped into the whole of me.
I know it was just a dream, me having you by my side. I know you’ll never offer me your sweet smiles and tender looks again. I know the blame should not be on either of us. It should be on fate.
I lay down on my bed and tried to sleep. An hour passed, and my mind was still busily munching on pieces of you. I rolled to one side and hugged my teddy bear. Alas I fell asleep.
