It's
that time of the year again. People
here and there are posting graduation pictures. I was supposed to finish my
degree this semester too, but, due to unfortunate events regarding my thesis, I
was not able to. Last Friday, my two little brothers graduated, Jed from
kinder and Jemuel from high school. It
would have been great if I did too.
Just
like a normal person with feelings and concerns for the future, I felt
down and it was like my entire universe had turned bleak and meaningless. I
started this semester with all my hopes up that when it is done, I will be able
to get myself a job and earn my own money and actually help my parents out. My
brother’s going to college come the start of the next school year so I really
aimed to graduate this semester - except I couldn’t make it. I don’t want to
blame anybody, but I keep asking God what He is trying to tell me through all
this delay and these disappointments. I even got to a state where I was so
stressed and depressed that I felt like I could weep for an entire week and
that day I did not work on my thesis but went home instead. I feel like that
place was the lowest I have ever been in. I mean, I had experienced outbursts
of pain that at some meals and some walks I would just start crying. There was even this one time when I just could not help it I sat on a
park bench and just cried my entire heart out.
I have been crying for minutes when the lady sitting on the next bench
who I noticed was reading her Bible, came up to me. We introduced ourselves and
she prayed for me. I am forever grateful for her, for giving me her time when
she was already late for the bus. I am not sure if she did catch the bus but I
pray so. That wonderful experience did not cease the hurting, though.
It was not until a few days later
that all the bad feelings calmed. I was prepared to stand up and put my armor
on again. This was also when I learned that I was not alone. My friends who
were able to make it and are going to march this coming ceremony proved to be
very supportive, thoughtful, and caring, as I have always known they were. Due
to my recently failed friendship with my ex-bestfriend (we will get into that
soon), I thought people did not really care about other people’s feelings and
situations. But these friends of mine, they were there to listen and cheer me
up with the silliest things. I just do not want to get into detail because I do
not want to give hints on who I am disappointed at. They are great friends and
I owe them a lot. Without them, I would not have made it up to here, because
now, all I need is to finish my thesis and I am off to New York City. Kidding,
but this level up and some more will get me there.
With everything the University of
the Philippines Los Baños BS Statistics graduate class of 2014 did for me, I
was able to fully get over the pain and the bitterness of not being a part of
them. I am proud to say that I do not feel even a tinge of regret or whatsoever
when I see their graduation pictures. All I can think about is that these
people are awesome, and I am grateful to have them as my friends. I am not even
jealous that they have finished before me, and such. I am genuinely happy for
them. I praise God for the wonderful way He has led me out of this mess. And
for reminding me of the song I have been singing to Him since childhood:
